confession.

5.33 a.m. 18 March 2011.

i can't sleep.yet i'm barely awake.

a tormented soul within a weak body.

yes, i'm falling apart.

당신을 사랑합니다

March 17, 2011 @ 2.03 a.m.

happy birthday to Fanna, shaf and all.

___________________________________________________________________

Anyway,

I'm awake, wide awake. i have trouble sleeping lately.

wait, i have many troubles lately. sleeping, waking up, eating and studying and all.

too many things to handle a single time. tho i always think that i'm good at multi-tasking, that form is temporary and class is permanent, but i guess im wrong. things are a bit messy these days. i can't handle much.

nuff said.

___________________________________________________________________

Anyway,

I was browsing thru the internet and i found some website, telling how good their book on love and dating advice for women. they even said that it is so good and practical and if you didn't like it, money back guaranteed. here are some of the tips:

1. Without quality time, your relationship will not survive. Carve out at least half an hour a night, and at least one day a month when you the two of you spend time exclusively together. [how about long-distance r/ships?]

2. You will both need security, comfort. A good relationship is built on compromise and a great deal of give and take on both sides.[how to compromise without sacrificing your personal values?]

3. Keep your dependence and independence in balance. Tell and show your partner how much you need him, but don't cling, as that can make your partner feel trapped.[how?]

4. Encourage him to listen to you, by showing appreciation when he does. By the same token, show interest when he talks to you. Be aware that most men aren't mentally programmed for conversation in the way women are. They need more silence and internal time. [listen to what? drama?]

5. Make him appreciate you. Don't wait for a spontaneous compliment, but say something good about yourself and ask for his agreement.[self-praising?]

6. Learn to do the one thing that is most likely to restore good feeling in your relationship - giving your partner a genuine, loving and approving smile.[how?]

7.Often those subtle quirks that first attracted you to your partner can, with time, turn around and become toe-curlingly annoying habits. Learn to love him the way he is.[lame]

8. Hidden resentments poison a relationship; so if something bothers you, say it. Remember that while men are wary of emotional conversations, they love to find solutions. Express your problem and then ask him to help you find the answer.[easier said than done]

9. Learn that punishing your partner won't work. It may make you feel better to give him a hard time, but it will actually make him dig his heels in more. A better tactic is to reward the things you like and ignore what you don't like.[compromising?]

Now, i read it twice. no, thrice and for god sake, i think the author is a cheater who earns a lot of money by selling this crap advice. the wording is a bit vague. but i guess that's the whole point. the more confusing people get by reading his/her advice, the more money [s]he can squeezed.

I've raised question for each point and i don't think the author have the answers either. tho people can be categorized in general, there can't be a general advice in love or relationship as the circumstances would vary between person. when in love, each and every person are unique in their own way [or maybe stupid]. and their heart - has reason, that reason itself does not understand.

anyhow, kudos to the author for advices. not that i don't agree, in fact most of the point are quite true in a sense that it takes two to tango, but i hate the fact that people made a lot of profit out of other people's misfortune. but hey, that's life. deal with it. truth hurts and life isn't easy as you think.

p/s: anyone can catch your eye, but it takes someone special to catch your heart =)

of suka suka and being sarcastic. =)

I was lepak-ing the other day with my old friend,
who is or to be exact used to be my apprentice,
my victim of abuse =p,( i have a very odd way to show affection )
and a person whom i believe to have the potential to shine.
she's quite a character.

nonetheless, that is not the story. baru mukaddimah je ^_^. i came across
this piece of writing made by a close person when i was doing my weekend routine,
which is blog-hopping. quite interesting this post was when i first read.

it was published like this:

"i am the same person no matter how i live my life.
deep inside, i am still me.
with that same principle, the same believes, the same flaws.
the same face with the same attitude.
but maybe i kinda adapt myself in my new surrounding.
that's called growing up. not changing.
so don't judge dear old friends."

sekilas pandang, it looks like a normal emo-post which most girls of
her age would published. as a matter of fact, most girls would face
the same problem as her, which are conformity, acceptance, identity crises and peer pressure.

This girl who wrote this post definitely are having issues with her friends.
torn into different sides and group of friends.

clearly she was trying to restore their friendship in a sense that she was assuring that she is still a same person regardless of what had happened between them and she has not changed but only growing up.

let's face it. the fact is that people change each and every second.
even in the growing up process you'll change. look at your physical attributes,
your mental capacity and also the knowledge that you've gained.

i do not want to argue on the fact that "i am still me" because yes, you're the same person, with the same name. but attitude wise, you are not the same. physical wise, you are not the same, mentally wise, you are not the same.

growing up means you'll need to take full responsibilities of your actions. and blaming others or other things won't help. in fact it would only make you look stupid and immature.

a wise person once told me " it is not your fault when people judge u badly, but it is your fault when you give them reasons to judge you that way "

therefore, I rest my case.

p/s : it's cynical, sarcastic and mean. but if you looked from the different perspective, you'll see a good advice. read between the lines. =)

untitled

2 test dah abes.

6 more to go.

haisyy!..

I can do this =|

devil's within

for the past few weeks,
anger and hatred lingers
around my heart.

cursed that heart o' mine,
for it brings nothing but misery to all.



p/s alex says sorry to all.

What's wrong with me.

Letih,
penat,

minggu yang penuh dugaan.

Ya Tuhan,

tunjukkanlah jalan yang terbaik untuk
hamba mu ini. =|

disclaimer.

I'm writing my blog in general.
and i do promote critical thinking.
everyone who read my blog are
encourage to make their own conclusion.
however,i do NOT support assumption.
because when you guys assume, u just made an ASS out
of U and ME understood?

Don't miss understood me, this is not an Apologizing statements.
I don't think it is necessary.Plus, my previous post was not a defamatory one,
and I'm not liable for everything.

p/s sorry is a big word and i ain't giving it easily.
but i do feel sorry for the people who can't differentiate between general
and private statements.

hope.

How I wish I could know who I am,
and what it is in this world that I seek.

the man who has a brain smaller than his "little friend"

first and foremost.
after 37 post,this time (and hope it would be the last)
i shall write in anger..
so,if u stumble upon foul language and stuffs,
pardon me..but i can't help it at the moment.

to the guy who drove a car made by a Malaysian manufacturer;

dear ayam,

for the first time in my life,i really feel that i want to chop somebody's heads off.
for someone of your height,believe me, it does not suit nor reflect your mind capacity. but yeah,
i guess u can blame the gravity because all the blood that should go to your brain and your
upper head have gone to the "other" head..so tell me now,u still want to go and talk itik
about your love life where it is sweet because u don't put any expectation? hey lembu,
as far as we all know, u have been counting days,waiting for your girlfriend. I'm sure that a
man like u, u have things that need to be fulfilled and to be satisfied.. I bet by the time this post is being published, u have already got what u want. heh.

sometimes it makes me wonder. are u really that "slow type of learner" or u just plain
stupid. bloody imbecile. simple instruction also u can't follow. i just hope that if u planned to ruin
yourself with your stupidity, make sure I'm out of it.and yeah. right now, i seriously have lost faith and respect towards u. and i swear to God, it will be hard for u to earn them back.

anyway,i shall stop now cause i don't want to add more sins on my stockpile.i know, I'm not that good either. but at least, i did not messed up other people's lives itik.
plus,it would be a defamatory statement if I accidentally spill or write that ayam's name.

In conclusion, i just hope that someday you'll change. stop being an asshole and plan your live well cause if u failed to plan, then u planned to fail.

p/s save your sorry words, i don't want to hear it.

*post ini ditapis untuk tontonan umum.. clasifikasi pembaca (u)

bedtime stories

I'm back at home..
trying to figure out things.

while the rest of the world are in the celebration mood
for new year,let us not forget what happened in Palestine.
women,children, senior citizens are being killed easily
by the Jews.

and what can the rest of the world do? talking talking and talking..
and then celebrate new year like nothing happen..
its a sad world today, to see the value of mankind, peace and harmony
are not being cherished. another excused for not helping the Palestinian people
is because of the world economic downfall..

bloody hell..what a shitty excused..
even when the world economy at its peak, none of the great countries
help.and the saddest part of it, the O.I.C did not do anything.
such a shame. and such a waste.

anyway,to all my friends out there, lets give a moment
for us to think,or at least pray if u can't think, so that one day,
those bunch of corrupted Islamic leaders of ours could awake
from their lullaby and starts making actions and solutions
rather than sitting and talking crap.

p/s today's world sucks..big time..

The Confusion of the Scholars by Yahiya Emerick

Have you ever been confronted with such stupidity that you were speechless? It happens all the time and in all spheres of life. The person driving ahead of you can't make up their mind whether to turn left, right, stop, go or travel ahead. The teenager is wearing a full "uniform" of baggy pants, shaved head, ear-ring and gold chains and exclaims he's being "unique." Or my favorite example is that of a man at an auto auction who yelled out "three hundred" when the auctioneer just lowered the price to fifty. Stupidity is sometimes an art form and many people spend a lifetime perfecting it.

Usually, the strange actions and behavior of others have little immediate impact on our lives. It often takes a long time for the stupid actions of some to build up to a point where the rest of us suffer. Take for instance the problem of the United Nations. Two-faced people will stand up and tell us that it's the forum for the world and that it's committed to world peace, conflict resolution, justice, etc... But after almost fifty years of bungling, this front for Western, secular domination has prolonged more wars than it solved.

The UN's budget is riddled with corruption and inefficiency and UN headed military missions come with more feebleness, bad action and/or inaction than anything else. (Think Bosnia, Somalia, Korea, Rwanda, etc...) Twenty years ago it didn't matter as the two superpowers kept the world on a tight leash. But now that one superpower is gone, the UN's stupidity and confusion is unable to keep the last superpower in check, let alone tin-pot dictators. The prolonged weakness now makes the world more dangerous.

What about Muslims? Are there any incredibly stupid actions which have built up to a dangerous level. Of course! Of the many to choose from, which one am I going to pick on today? Yep, you guessed it. I'm going to point out how some (not all) "scholars" have steered us wrong and taken us away from the path of Islam.

You often hear the terms, Shaykh, Scholar, 'Alim, 'Ulema, Maulana, Mullah, Allamah, Imam, etc... There are so many people with these titles in front of their names that it's dizzying. You know how so many Muslims are into the whole " Doctor" thing? Seeking status by having everyone call them Doctor? Well, the whole scholar thing is there too and it's much older than the Western oriented " Doctor" worship. (Sometimes you see people writing their names as " Dr. Shaykh whatever." Now that's funny.

Here's the problem I see. When I first became a Muslim, I read so many books that extolled the wondrous virtues of the Islamic system. That is the system that I love. And one of the things that was mentioned over and over was that there was no clergy in Islam. No "Holy" men or intermediaries between Allah and people. Then I was introduced into the whole culture of "Scholars." That's where my alarm bells started to ring.

Of course, I have nothing against a person acquiring a lot of knowledge, whether it's for Islamic learning or worldly benefit. I have nothing against the concept of the scholar, the doctor, the engineer, etc... I do have a problem if some people use those terms as a cover for their arrogance and mistakes and then it affects me in a negative way, either directly or indirectly.

For example, as you well know, there are many competing groups of Muslims today in the ideological wars. There are the Saudi-funded Salafies, the Iranian funded Mullahs, the Egyptian/Syrian Brotherhood groups, the Tablighi Jamaati people, the mysterious Hizb at Tahreer, the Jamati Islami groups, the African American Muslim groups, the secularist Indo-Pak groups and about twenty others. Each group has its own scholars who "prove" to the faithful that the other groups are inferior. These same "scholars" often issue "Fatwas" or religious verdicts about items of concern for individual members and life goes on in the happy dreamland of exclusive truth.

These groups often issue contradictory Fatwas and rarely ever work together on anything. How many of you have been to a gathering of one of these or other groups where the "big scholar" is treated like a celebrity? ell-wishers and sycophants fawning all over him. (It's always a "Him." What's the average, concerned Muslim suppossed to think when the "scholars" are often so full of pride and arrogance that they are repulsive? The heirarchy involved in the "scholar" system in amazing! The big Maulanas are usually the fattest. The medium Maulanas have shorter beards and smaller bellies, while the Maulana wanna-bees are thin and stand off in the fringes of the great procession. (Don't get angry at me for pointing out what everyone knows.)

So where does the stupidness come in? There are several areas to look at and the first is on the issue of who is a "Scholar" or "Shaykh?" Allah is very harsh against the Jews and the Christians for considering their priests and rabbis as people who could make religious judgments without consulting Allah's revelations. The priests made the eating of pork allowed for Christians, with no authority from Allah or from Prophet Jesus, while the rabbis made laws such as a woman could not be in the house during her period and that milk and meat could not be eaten together. In this respect, the people "worshipped" their leaders besides Allah.

Sadly, this is exactly what Muslims have done for the last thousand years. In the early days of Islam, no one went around with austentatious titles, as if they were somehow set apart from the rest of the people. Everyone was usually addressed as brother or sister. No one earned overly glorified titles, either, just because they studied with a Sahabi. The only real special term that I have ever come across which was frequently used by the Prophet to describe others is 'Alim (learned person). And this term was never used in the sense of a "priest" or Holy man. It was just that: a person who is learned.

In Madina, everyone was "learned" to one extent or another. The trader knew how to practice Islam, the housewife knew how to practice Islam and the traveler knew it too. If someone needed to ask a question about Islam that they didn't know, they would go to a friend or neighbor. For really detailed questions, they might consult someone who was known to be a teacher. But they wouldn't fawn all over the teacher nor would the teacher dress or act in such a way as to set him or herself apart from the rest of the believers.

Centuries passed and a funny thing happened. The Islamic world spread in so many different directions and millions of people were becoming Muslims. The common knowledge of Islam was not so common anymore. If a Muslim teacher went to any area where Islamic knowledge was scarce, suddenly, everyone was wanting to be around him. The teacher became special. (Think of Sufi-style Shaykh worship for example.) Fast forward many more centuries. There are millions of Muslims, but few know much about Islam. Teachers have become "holy" men and have such titles as "Shaykh" or "Maulana". They are a special class, or caste, of people who are sought after and revered by people who want to see their "god" in the flesh because the concept of an unseen Creator is to intellectual for most. (Hence, Muslim "Saints!"

So what of the world today? Any person who learns a few dozen ahadith and one or two ajza is calling himself a scholar and making pronouncements about Islam to his flock who knows little. I have met people who knew little about Islam calling themselves Imam, or Shaykh or whatever. Who made them Imam? Who promoted them to the role of a guardian of the Deen? Was it their ignorant followers? Was it by virtue of the fact that they attended some madrasa in another culture? Is it because they're rich? Who knows? All I know is that a real scholar doesn't call himself by a title. He doesn't need it. A real knower of Islam realizes he knows so little and is humble. A title makes him feel uncomfortable. That is a real Muslim leader. But what we have mostly is a clergy class. (Think of that hadith about the Day of Judgment where the pretentious scholar is thrown in Hell.)

And what do the self-appointed scholars say? The stupidity is amazing! (These are all actual Fatwas One scholar will say that chewing gum does not break the fast. Another says that using a fork is haram. A third says that eating McDonald's meat is okay while a fourth says of it, no way. One scholar says human cloning is halal, while another says it's haram. One local scholar in New York says the Sunnah is not important and that most ahadith are fabricated. One in Egypt says that wife-beating is okay if the wife doesn't make an effort to look pretty while another says that mortgages are allowed under duress. (Have you ever heard the Fatwa that living in America is haram? It's there.) Each one of these scholars backs up their arguements with Qur'an and hadith, in a usually twisted way, and then says anyone who does otherwise is a kafir.

The Muslim masses, especially in the West, become very confused. The Blessed Prophet advised us to ask the learned people if a tough question comes up, but we have incredibly un-learned people leading us. I'm sure you are all aware of that hadith where the Prophet said that he doesn't punish a nation until the learned are no more. I'm sure you'll agree that having a lot of "scholars" doesn't preclude learning being gone.

The biggest confusion among the scholars that I've seen is the issue of Bida', or innovation in the Deen. The blessed Prophet once remarked that if anyone brings something new into Islam that it would be rejected. On another occassion, he said, referring to Islam, that every innovation was a wrong and that every wrong will be in the fire. So what have some of our self-proclaimed scholars gone and done? They have included ordinary, everyday things in this definition of Bida'. Even though the Prophet was talking about people changing the beliefs and practices of Islam, our "scholars," in their infinte wisdom, have said that any new invention after the time of the Prophet is also an "innovation" in Islam.

I'm sorry, I have no clue how a new type of saddle, weapon, hairbrush, toothpick or shovel can possibly be called an innovation in the Deen. They have no relation to the Deen. Everyday items for common use are just that, ordinary aspects of life. Of course, these "scholars" apply this rule selectively. They will take a plane when they go to Hajj, instead of riding a horse. They'll use a microphone instead of shouting and they'll print their ideas in books. (Remember, the Blessed Prophet did not use any printed books in his da'wah.) Oh my gosh! Bida'! (Look at page 691 of Reliance of the Traveller and you will read a hadith where the Prophet encourages good innovations. I guess the scholars didn't read that hadith from Sahih Muslim.)

If you think I'm exaggerating, then ponder over the things I've written. Have you seen anything like it? Have you seen pride on the faces of those who claim to be scholars? Which brings me to my last point. Many scholars make Islam seem totally distant and unreachable. How many times have I been sitting in a Masjid or lecture hall and saw some scholar expounding on Islam in an overly-technical way? Why do you think that teenagers and twenty-something Muslims run away from the Masjid? The scholars use too much Arabic terminology and don't explain things in a digestible way. If it's Sunnah to speak to people according to their level, why do our self-appointed leaders speak as if they're addressing a gathering of scholars all the time?

Don't get mad at me. Don't write angry letters about me. I'm telling you the truth. Listen, I understand the Arabic terminology. I understand even the most difficult concepts. Perhaps you do also. But the average Muslim has no clue what Taddabur is or what derivative verbs are or what Tassawaf is or what Usuli Fiqh is. We have ninety percent of our "next generation" one step away from kufr and these "scholars" give lectures that few of the youth, teenagers, converts or average Muslims can understand.

Of course, the older, immigrant Muslims may understand some of the speech or du'at because they grew up in a Muslim country and heard of some of the concepts. But Islamic knowledge is cut off in the generation raised in the West. Don't the "scholars" of Islam realize this? They are acting like they are teaching in Medina when in fact they are in pre-Islamic Mecca. (Do you know how many da'wah workers mess up their da'wah by using excessive Arabic grammar and concepts that American people don't understand?)

I've often lamented that in our Masajid and centers, in many cases, the Imams and "Scholars" have no clue about the needs of their community. They often can't counsel, teach effectively or even show compassion and understanding.

I'm just glad that there are a few good scholars around. I just wish there were more, that they could be in the majority. Then we wouldn't have the confusion and stupidity on such a high level making it difficult for all of us. I know of one Masjid where the Imam carries a gun and has pulled it on Muslims in the Masjid! (How did he get to be an Imam?)

Have you ever heard of a Doctor of Divinity? It's a special degree that Christians usually get before they can become priests or ministers. The candidate must not only study the beliefs and teachings of his or her religion, they must also study: marriage counseling, youth psychology, administration, public speaking, philosophy, comparative religion, management, writing, literature, etc... Why doesn't the board of directors of Masjid X,Y or Z require this from their Imams and resident "scholars"? In many communities I've been in, the Imam, who is almost always a hafiz, is the least respected because all he knows is the Qur'an, he usually has no practical knowledge of anything else whatsoever. The Islamic movement needs real, well-rounded and versatile leaders. We need humble people who don't hide behind titles and enter exclusive "scholar's" clubs.

I don't want anyone to think I'm speaking out against the concept of scholars. I'm not. I repeat, I'm not. I'm speaking out against the laziness in the Ummah which has let our standards for what a scholar should be drop so low that anyone, regardless of intelligence can claim to be a scholar, and then have people follow him. (Do you know how many "Imams" I've seen carrying sticks to beat their students of Qur'an?) I'm also speaking out against those who have acquired such a high level of knowledge but then don't know how to relate it to the people. (Do you know how many big scholars I've seen drunk on their own knowledge while the people around them are lost?)

Some brothers from Saudi Arabia once told me an interesting thing. They said that in thier country, everyone tries to get their children on the doctor track in the schools. If the child isn't smart enough to do that, then they try to direct them to the engineer track. But if they fail in that also, then they send them to the religious schools to be an Imam, and that is the lowest level of respect in society. May Allah help us to reclaim the middle ground and bring the knowledge of the real scholars to the masses who are in desperate need of it. Ameen.

yey!

i lulus =)

see u guys in shah alam!

.:: Qurban ::.

Meaning of Qurban;

Qurban is an Islamic act of worship held on the special occasion or day of "celebration" known as Eidul Adha literally meant "Day of Sacrifice" which refers to the animal slaughtering.

The act of Qurban (Sacrifice) is carried out by millions of Muslims every year during Eid Al-Adha. Following the example of The Father of Prophets, Abraham (AS).

The prophet Muhammad PBUH was asked "What is Qurban?", He answered, "It is the sunnah of your father Ibrahim (AS), for every hair of the Qurban you will receive a reward from Allah and for every hair in the wool you will receive a reward". (Hadith - Ibn Maja and Tirmidhi).

The story of Abraham (AS) and his son, Ismael.

The story goes that God had asked Abraham to sacrifice his son whom he loved so much. This obviously saddens the father as was clear when (based on the Qur'an) he had asked his son's opinion of this. Abraham was basically torn between fulfilling the command of God and the love for his son.

Consider if that were to happen today in the modern (or post modern) family - the possible reply would be: are you freaking nuts!

Hence, consider again the reply from the Ismael that was articulated by the latter in the most calmest of tone - of one who is as devoted and dedicated to the Divine as his father: "fulfill it my dear father, insya allah, you will find me as amongst those with patience".

After some time, Abraham brought his son to the ground where he was to fulfill God's command and at the moment he was about to strike his son - the intervention from the Divine came with the appearance of a lamb.

God's command was now clear: You have done profoundly well as to manifest your devotion to the Divine. Hear is the reward - strike the lamb instead (God is truly most merciful and kind towards the believers).

In commemorating this deed of devotion, Muslim sacrifice a lamb/ sheep/ goat / cow on the Eidul Adha from their own wealth in the name of God and the meat is then distributed to the poor, those in need and close relatives.

Allah (swt) says in the Quran: "It is neither their meat nor their blood, that reaches Allah, it is your piety that reaches Him". (Al Qur'an, Ch:22 v:37)

Anyway, Happy Eidul Adha to all and have faith in whatever you do.

(Amen.)

|compilation|

summary and compilation of story~

________________________________________________________________

First story : summary of vc cup..

Well it didn't turn out as what we have expected..
can't say we are not prepared...our team did great job..
winning n fighting for the spot..however,at very last battle..
we fell..from my observation, the only thing that our teams are lacking
is in the exposure of competitive debate environment..most of them participated
only in the branch house tournament..and its not enough for them..lets look at an analogy ;

last vc,our team, the seniors [azad,fuzail,karl,adam,hilwa,shai n sham] who got
the spot for quarter are regularly participating in tournaments and ivy's..
within 3 semester,we've when to I.C.R.C debate, VC cup, Utp open also shah alam open..
since they have enough knowledge,they can excel and do well..Some may argued that it is
because of the training..but i can assure u that,the training..is enough..all the juniors need is to
have the experienced..when we combined both experience and knowledge..it will become
power..and by that time, the team can surely excel in any tournament..
anyway,very best of luck to them..keep striving for what u have believe in!

_________________________________________________________________

Second story ;

between life and death.

Yesterday, i visited my god-grandfather after a long period of time..
well everyone was busy so we didn't have to visit him..
anyway..i was shocked!..he looks terrible..he can't say a word..only nodding his head
couple of time..i was so sad when i saw him..lying on his bed..then,my mom asked me to read
Yassin for him..so i read passionately and the next thing i know,tears run down my cheek
like a stream..i can't hold myself..i stopped couple of times,wiped off my tears and then continued reading Yassin..I begged at God,at his mercy, please take him with you..I just can't stand looking at him alive but in a great pain..take him God..but again..its not my choice nor my decision
to determine his life and death..

all i can say is that, I'm sad..looking at him also makes me wonder about things in life..about
my life..it gives me these sort of question; "bila nak berubah.." "ape nak jadi.."
and all these question,i don't have the answer at the moment..ghahhh..

_________________________________________________________________

.:: people and things that i'm gonna miss in kedah ::.

First and foremost,the people that i miss the most :

looking forward to see you guys this weekend.

Next, my sifu =)



And also the adjudication session


Also my "loft"


and how can i forget - Makbul sp (minus hisyam)


yeah, malinja


Kedah debating society





Last but not least, my friends and the prelawrians;







well, I'm sorry if your picture wasn't uploaded here..but i can assured u,that each and everyone
that i know and i befriend with shall be treasured till the day i died..yeah..i promise that..
until our path crossed again,i shall say sayonara and take care..may god bless you guys all

p/s I do miss kedah..the food,the people and the surroundings.

kebingungan , kebosanan atau saja saja..

Firstly, pardon my page's background..memang saya masih bingung tentang code html dan xml..bukan tak pandai..cuma membaca code yg panjang2 membuat diri terasa bosan..hehe..

it's been three days in k.l. and I'm still trying to adjust my self to home regulations..my freedom seems to be limited at the moment..but its fine i guess since most of my friends still in the exam mode..

it's 3 a.m in the morning..and i can't sleep..and its not good..plus i can't stop thinking about a girl who is far away from me..thinking about a girl that at the moment seems to be out of my grasp.. thinking about a girl that can never be mine..

plain stupid huh?
bet i am one..

a friend of mine said that it takes courage to be a fool..but a fool with courage doesn't solve anything..i need idea..i need a fresh one..

perhaps or maybe someday when this journey of endless misery ends,
it would make me a better man..and a much more wiser than today...

amen~

p/s I'm hungry right now.. ;(

*disclaimer - kebingungan, kebosanan atau saja saja..ini hanya luahan rasa

Zodiac signs~

well i got this from sham, but i think its a good thing..hee..

VIRGO - The Perfectionist
Dominant in relationships. Conservative. Always wants the last word. Argumentative. Worries. Very smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager. Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to talk to. Hard to please. Harsh. Practical and very fussy. Often shy Pessimistic.


SCORPIO - The Intense One
Very energetic. Intelligent. Can be jealous and/or possessive. Hardworking. Great kisser. Can become obsessive or secretive. Holds grudges. Attractive. Determined. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Can be self-centered at times. Passionate and Emotional.


LIBRA - The Harmonizer
Nice to everyone they meet. Can' t make up their mind Have own unique appeal. Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone. Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious. Give in too easily Procrastinators. Very gullible.


ARIES - The Daredevil
Energetic. Adventurous and spontaneous. Confident and enthusiastic. Fun. Loves a challenge. EXTREMELY impatient. Sometimes selfish. Short fuse. (easily angered.) Lively, passionate, and sharp wit. Outgoing. Lose interest quickly - easily bored. Egotistical. Courageous and assertive. Tends to be physical and athletic.


AQUARIUS - The Sweetheart
Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality. Very independent. Inventive and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a bit rebellious. Very stubborn, but original and unique. Attractive on the inside and out. Eccentric personality.


GEMINI - The Chatterbox
Smart and witty. Outgoing, very chatty. Lively, energetic. Adaptable but needs to express themselves. Argumentative and outspoken. Likes change. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense. Gossips. May seem superficial or inconsistent, But is only changeable. Beautiful physically and mentally.


LEO - The Boss
Very organized. Need order in their lives - like being in control. Like boundaries. Tend to take over everything. Bossy. Like to help others. Social and outgoing. Extroverted Generous, warm-hearted. Sensitive. Creative energy. Full of themselves. Loving. Doing the right thing is important to Leos. Attractive.


CANCER - The Protector
May be shy. Very loving and caring. Pretty/handsome. Excellent partners for life. Protective. Inventive and imaginative. Cautious. Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from others Easily hurt, but sympathetic.


PISCES - The Dreamer
Generous, kind, and thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative. May become secretive and vague. Sensitive. Don ' t like details. Dreamy and unrealistic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind. Unselfish. Good kisser. Beautiful.

CAPRICORN - The Go-Getter
Patient and wise. Practical and rigid. Ambitious. Tends to be good-looking. Humorous and funny. Can be a bit shy and reserved. Often pessimists. Capricorns tend to act before they think and can be unfriendly at times. Hold grudges. Like competition. Get what they want.

TAURUS - The Enduring One
Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings who are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate. Express themselves emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulge themselves often. Very generous.

SAGITTARIUS - The Happy-Go-Lucky One
Good-natured optimist. Doesn ' t want to grow up (Peter Pan Syndrome). Indulges self. Boastful. Likes luxuries and gambling. Social and outgoing. Doesn ' t like responsibilities. Often fantasizes. Impatient. Fun to be around. Having lots of friends. Flirtatious. Doesn ' t like rules. Sometimes hypocritical. Dislikes being confined - tight spaces or even tight clothes. Doesn ' t like being doubted. Beautiful inside and out.

so you see, all the bold words are the thing that people often said to me and things that i discover bout myself..so i guess,even if i'm a taurus, i still have other zodiac traits..so it makes me an all rounder..haha..they said self - praise is no praise but, who give a sh*t? as long as i'm happy thats fine i guess ;)

disclaimer - I'm not liable for any of this ;p

am i crazy or i just have a split personality?

its 5.23 in the morning..not to mention its the raya's morning..i can't sleep..too many things that is on my mind(including her).. I've been wondering for quite sometimes now..yesterday, and old friend of my mine said something..which i usually don't care..but since she's one of the person that knows me well in my life,her words seems to have a bigger impact than others..

she said : why are you so mean these days?
i said : well,reality bites dear n it is not as sweet as you think..that's why I'm doing you a favor now..so you know what to expect in life...
she said : you've changed a lot since the last time we met...
i said : i don't changed pon..or maybe I've grown wiser..
she said : I'm kinda miss the "old" you..the sweet one..even if you've grown wiser,that doesn't mean you should be mean to others dear..

i was left clueless....

to be honest, i don't know why i've been so mean lately..but i'm still the same old person..still sweet.. still knows how to respect others(i hope)..even emellia said that sometimes she's scared with me..maybe its my defense mechanism..i just don't want to be hurt..or maybe i'm turning into a monster..i don't know..but i guess its all part of life where you need to discover your true color,your true self..just hope that along the process,i wont be hurting too much people..

i don't blame people to hate me,in fact i don't mind if other people hates me..i just want to be myself..to be honest and frank even if it hurts you like hell coz reality bites and it is not as sweet as you think..

wanna bet with me?