당신을 사랑합니다

March 17, 2011 @ 2.03 a.m.

happy birthday to Fanna, shaf and all.

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Anyway,

I'm awake, wide awake. i have trouble sleeping lately.

wait, i have many troubles lately. sleeping, waking up, eating and studying and all.

too many things to handle a single time. tho i always think that i'm good at multi-tasking, that form is temporary and class is permanent, but i guess im wrong. things are a bit messy these days. i can't handle much.

nuff said.

___________________________________________________________________

Anyway,

I was browsing thru the internet and i found some website, telling how good their book on love and dating advice for women. they even said that it is so good and practical and if you didn't like it, money back guaranteed. here are some of the tips:

1. Without quality time, your relationship will not survive. Carve out at least half an hour a night, and at least one day a month when you the two of you spend time exclusively together. [how about long-distance r/ships?]

2. You will both need security, comfort. A good relationship is built on compromise and a great deal of give and take on both sides.[how to compromise without sacrificing your personal values?]

3. Keep your dependence and independence in balance. Tell and show your partner how much you need him, but don't cling, as that can make your partner feel trapped.[how?]

4. Encourage him to listen to you, by showing appreciation when he does. By the same token, show interest when he talks to you. Be aware that most men aren't mentally programmed for conversation in the way women are. They need more silence and internal time. [listen to what? drama?]

5. Make him appreciate you. Don't wait for a spontaneous compliment, but say something good about yourself and ask for his agreement.[self-praising?]

6. Learn to do the one thing that is most likely to restore good feeling in your relationship - giving your partner a genuine, loving and approving smile.[how?]

7.Often those subtle quirks that first attracted you to your partner can, with time, turn around and become toe-curlingly annoying habits. Learn to love him the way he is.[lame]

8. Hidden resentments poison a relationship; so if something bothers you, say it. Remember that while men are wary of emotional conversations, they love to find solutions. Express your problem and then ask him to help you find the answer.[easier said than done]

9. Learn that punishing your partner won't work. It may make you feel better to give him a hard time, but it will actually make him dig his heels in more. A better tactic is to reward the things you like and ignore what you don't like.[compromising?]

Now, i read it twice. no, thrice and for god sake, i think the author is a cheater who earns a lot of money by selling this crap advice. the wording is a bit vague. but i guess that's the whole point. the more confusing people get by reading his/her advice, the more money [s]he can squeezed.

I've raised question for each point and i don't think the author have the answers either. tho people can be categorized in general, there can't be a general advice in love or relationship as the circumstances would vary between person. when in love, each and every person are unique in their own way [or maybe stupid]. and their heart - has reason, that reason itself does not understand.

anyhow, kudos to the author for advices. not that i don't agree, in fact most of the point are quite true in a sense that it takes two to tango, but i hate the fact that people made a lot of profit out of other people's misfortune. but hey, that's life. deal with it. truth hurts and life isn't easy as you think.

p/s: anyone can catch your eye, but it takes someone special to catch your heart =)

=)

well well, cupid is back baby =)
now as for konon2 love day a.k.a valentine's day
is coming up, here's a tip for those couples
who have been struggling with their relationship.

Keyword: Predictability

If asking couples the factors involved in the demise of their relationship, one of the common responses is that everything in the relationship is so predictable.
When rebuilding a relationship,do not be afraid of letting go of boredom. if your mate spends hours in the garden trying to make things look perfect, surprise them with a new flowering plant, and then help to plant it. When taking a walk with your mate, stop and give them a soft kiss, say, "I love you," and then keep walking. Take some chances and do the unexpected. spice up, try new things. venture into new opening and possibilities.(in a good way)

always remember, there's NO losing in trying. =)

p/s 14/2 xyah celebrate lah. merepek je. if you really love your partner,
no need to celebrate a day only. you guys should celebrate everyday *smiles*

Random

*If a guy tells you that he’s not ready for a relationship, take his word for it.

Believe it or not, men really hate to disappoint women. So if he’s “gotten up the guts to actually cross the threshold and tell you that he’s not ready for a relationship, he means business,” says Oikle. There could be a variety of explanations for his antirelationship position (he has commitment issues, he wants to hook up with other people, he doesn’t see you as girlfriend material), but in the end, the result is the same: He’s doesn’t desire to be your boyfriend. End of story.

And no, he won’t change his mind when he gets to know you a little better. “Once a guy decides how he sees a girl in his life, it’s hard to break out of that thinking,” says Coleman. Warning: If you stick around after he’s told you this, he will likely take it as a sign that you’re cool with the casual, nonexclusive nature of your relationship. So make sure you are.

soure ; cosmopolitan mag.

10 REASONS WHY BEING SINGLE IS GREAT

Reason #1: You have a better body.
We have all been there you get into a relationship, and suddenly you’re trying out new recipes all the time and cuddling instead of exercising. Well, things tend to get worse with marriage. A recent Cornell University study found that women generally gain five to eight pounds in the first few years of marriage and unhappily married women gain an average of 54 pounds in the first 10 years.

For the unmarried, though, the motivation to stay slim remains: “Singles look at themselves through the eyes of others and want to be attractive to potential partners,” says Susan Davis, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in New York City, “so they’re still ‘working on themselves.’” In short, being single is way better than any New Year’s resolution or exercise DVD to motivate you to stay in shape.

Reason #2: You’re more likely to achieve great things.
It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you have the time, the quiet and the lack of familial responsibilities. In fact, your premarital motivation to excel in life may be biologically programmed. According to a study conducted at the London School of Economics and Political Scientists, male scientists who stay single longer peak in their careers later in life and tend to be more productive than their married counterparts. Researchers theorize that men, in general, may show off their talents to win the interest of women and then, once they’ve won a wife, get comfortable and do less. In fact, studies have shown that testosterone levels, which boost action, decrease after a man gets married and has children. So single folk should know they are primed to achieve whether that means turbo-charging their careers or honing their rock-climbing skills and get out there and work it!

Reason #3: You do less housework.
You know that saying about a tree falling in a forest and there’s no one there to hear it? Well, if you leave a sock on the floor but there’s no one else there to see it, does it really need to be picked up? If you’re a single woman, you can contemplate deep questions like this one because you have more free time. According to one study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, women do less housework when single than when married. Men, on the other hand, do more housework when unmarried (that’s probably because there’s someone picking up after them once they’re wed…). So the message here is for unmarried women to enjoy their less chore-filled life; fill those free hours with classes, good books, blabbing with friends whatever makes you happy.

Reason #4: You can do what you want with your money including keep it.
Go ahead: Splurge on that pricey moisturizer or that obscenely large plasma TV you’ve been lusting after. You don’t have to justify your purchase to anyone but yourself. Once you mix money with marriage, though, things change and fast. According to a survey by Smart Money magazine, 40 percent of women and 36 percent of men have lied to their spouses about a purchase. “When you’re single, your finances are your own,” explains Phyllis Chase, a Los Angeles based psychologist and co-host of the radio show Shrink Rap. “When you’re married, you have to deal with different styles of spending and saving, and you may take on your partner’s debt.” And a marriage that doesn’t make it for the long haul can also have a major negative effect on one’s wealth. According to researchers at Ohio State University’s Center for Human Resource Research, during a divorce, men and women generally lose three-fourths of their personal net worth. Double ouch.

Reason #5: You have better sex.
Married couples may have more sex (approximately 98 times a year vs. singles’ 49), but singles have better sex. According to a recent study published in the British Medical Journal, married women are significantly more likely to report problems with their sex lives than single women. “People who are dating have better sex because it’s novel,” says Davis. “Married people have to relearn how to play. It’s natural for singles because that’s the nature of a courting relationship they tease, they experiment, they explore.” Nature lends a helping hand, too. According to researchers at the University of Pisa in Italy, raging testosterone levels in both men and women makes the sex hotter during the first two years of a relationship. After that, other hormones take over most notably, oxytocin, a bonding chemical, kicks in. While getting connected and comfortable is a positive step in a relationship, long-term lovers have to work harder to keep things hot in the bedroom. Singles, however, sizzle just the way they are.

Reason #6: You’re better rested and smarter.
While snuggling up next to a warm body can be pretty fantastic, according to a survey conducted by the National Sleep Foundation, your bed mate can cause you to lose an average of 49 minutes of sleep per night. Sleeping two to a bed just isn’t as restful as snoozing solo. Other studies confirm that singles generally get more rest seven to eight hours of sleep a night than married couples, which enhances memory, mood and concentration, as well as allows your immune system to recharge. And, according to scientists at the University of Luebeck in Germany, creativity and problem-solving may directly correlate with getting enough sleep. In the study, participants were given a math puzzle; those who’d had eight hours of sleep or more before tackling it were three times more likely to get the right answer than those who slept less. So, singles, revel in the fact that you’re alert, rested and have that extra brain power edge.

Reason #7: You’re less depressed.
Although the media often perpetuates the image of single people being down in the dumps, overall unmarried people tend to be happier than their married counterparts if you’re a woman, that is. One report by the World Health Organization indicated that married women, especially ones with children, have a higher risk for depression than single women, and researchers at the University of London found that single women generally have fewer mental-health issues. “Marriage, in many ways, seems to benefit men more than women,” says Davis. “For women, there’s more of a loss of self.” And, of course, today’s women often feel like they need to do it all have a career, take care of the kids and perform other traditionally “female” responsibilities. “People who aren’t married are still investing in themselves,” says Davis. “It’s not selfish it’s giving to yourself, and that’s something married people can learn from single people.”

Reason #8: You have better friendships.
Significant others are a wonderful thing, no doubt, but friends count, too. And on that front, one study found that, when women get married and have children, they spend much less time with their friends less than five hours a week, down from 14 hours. Singles, however, often have the greatest sense of friendship and community which can actually decrease stress levels, according to researchers at UCLA.

Here's another way to look at this: “Singles don’t rely on just one person to meet their needs. You don’t automatically know who you’re going to spend Friday night with,” says Sasha Cagen, author of Quirky alone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics. “The plus side is that you have a lot of different people in your life and potentially a greater sense of social possibilities.”

Reason #9: Your travel tales are enviable.
Married couples take the most vacations, dominating the market with 62 percent of all trips taken, but singles arguably go on more interesting trips. According to the Travel Industry Association of America, singles corner the adventure-travel market, engaging in activities like white water rafting, scuba diving and mountain biking. Being single and relatively footloose certainly allows you to expand your geographical and personal borders. “I have lived abroad, backpacked for close to a year, have been in love three times and much more,” says Courtney Davis, 27, a media-relations manager in Boston. “With every place and every person, my world has expanded.”

Reason #10: You know yourself and what you want out of a relationship.
You are a better catch now than you were at 20. You may have signs of, ahem, experience etched on your face, but that’s OK because you’re more interesting and more self-aware. Not only have you grown as a person, but you’ve probably been through the ringer a few times in matters of love and now know what you want and what you don’t. Experts say that bodes well for future marital success and may actually decrease the likelihood of divorce. “When people get married young, they often feel like the other person will complete them, and they have trouble moving past that Hollywood myth,” explains Chase. “But maturity brings so much, because if you’re able to communicate who you are and what you want, the better your chances of having a successful marriage.” And that’s a wonderful message: Your single self is great... and should you find the right person and decide to marry, you’re more likely to thrive in that stage of your life, too.

p/s A friend of mine send me this,which is very good..tepat pada masanya~

Fallen in love with 2 persons

i don't know why i have so much idea on raya's morning..;p

Well, if you were caught in this dilemma, there is definitely nothing wrong with that. What to say, we are human after all, creature of great emotions. There is no way we can stop that very love chemical from producing and pumping within us. It is just very natural for one to develop a liking for another opposite sex especially when they are just physically attractive in appearance too.And not to mention that when the both are also getting along very well with one another?

In our interactions with one another, there just couldn’t be only one but many of also others opposite sex whom we would meet. And very often, we would just develop a liking for some of them, sometimes even more than just two. That is life. Life is just full of choices. But then again, what is the meaning of choice? Very simple, it means having to make a decision over which to choose and in this case whom to be choosing, choosing the one whom you are going to love. Yup, there is nothing wrong with fallen in love with more than one person as long as at the end of the day, you make your choice. And to be able to truly experience some real love, you have to. Yes, it is only when you are physically into a real relationship will you be able to then acquire and truly experience that real joyfulness and sweetness of being in love. If you never give yourself that chance to be in one, you will just never feel it.

Even a child understands this. Recall your childhood. I should believe that you have experienced wanting just everything when you were at the toy store. Everything just seem so fascinating to you then, wasn’t it? So you cried and bet for your mum and dad to buy them for you. And very often, you are only given the choice of choosing only one. But you refused the offer and continue to cry hoping you would be able to just get everything. And what happened in the end? You ended up with nothing at all. So you grown smarter choosing only one the next time, successfully getting what you want and eventually get to enjoy playing with your new toy, having lot of funs with it didn’t you?
Well, we can’t of course deny that facts that some lucky kids may get more than just one of what they beg for. But at the end of the day, of the toys they have got, he or she would eventually like one of them best, isn’t it? Hmmm…? Still remember what was your favorite toy?

If as a kid back then, you were able to make that decision over which toys to choose, why is it you can’t now? Not able to make up your mind over whom to choose. Think about it. You certainly want to be able to experience some great and just fantastic love, don’t you? Then you have to just be like a smart kid, cleverly knowing how to be getting his or her toys. Remember, you can’t have the best of the both worlds and that is for sure. Just like choosing your toys, you have to make that decision over whom to choose and only then will you have the chance to get to enjoy that wonderfulness of being in love. Hmmm…? Didn’t you just forget about the other toys at the toy store while enjoying yourself playing with that new toy you have chosen for yourself?

Believe me, things may seem great and wonderful at first having the companionship of more than just one. But it is just all of a short-term happiness. At the end of the day, the one losing out is going to be only you yourself. You will just probably end up with nothing at all, back to loneliness just once again. This is what our many friends at our forum have feedback. Nonetheless, a genuine true love is what I believe you are seeking? If you are not able to control your feeling well, you may unknowingly found yourself falling into the region of lust, hurting someone whom may very possibly be liking you too. I am sure this is something you wouldn’t want, right? Now, follow where your heart goes. Between the both, there will definitely be one whom you will like more. Just give yourself some time… And when you found that answer, all the correct actions would just very naturally follow; you will just know what you have to be doing. In life, it is only when your goal or objective is clear will you know where to be heading and moving on.
Be it the path of life or love, I am sure you don’t want to be lost and stuck, not knowing where to go? Remember, the longer you drag things, the worse will the situation become. And in the end, you might not only be hurting those who truly love you but also yourself too. When you have to choose, you just have to. Having choices is always better than having none at all, isn’t it? Now, not many may be as fortunate as you. So, don’t lose that chance when you have it. Work things the smart way. Learn to cherish what you have…

*disclaimer- I'm not in this situation right now ;p

to juggle or to love?

cinta itu buta, dan juga boleh membutakan,
melukakan dan sukar untuk kita lupakan...

now,that's a line from dua dunia by too phat feat siti...
yesterday a friend of mine asked about how to juggle people around instead of breaking up or letting the "precious someone" go..so, but before i give any opinion,lets identify which category of juggler you people want to be :

basically,there's three type of juggler (according to my observation n experience)

Juggler 1 a.k.a miss/mr i can't be alone

this type usually a person who can't stand himself/herself being alone..always want accompany a.k.a bf/gf..now they usually take whatever they have in front of them.ie, someone who shows interest or even ex(s)..the part of juggling begins when they tend to take everything in front of them without choosing and later on do not know how to "buang"..

juggler 2 a.k.a ms/mr i'm keeping my option open

this usually happens when a third party comes into a relationship..even though it is not wrong and not impossible for a person to fall with two person at the same time, but it suck when u are included in this love triangle..the person who loved both would have a tough time choosing between the two which have their own qualities..later stage of this lovey triangle would be lots of emotional pain and stress


juggler 3 a.k.a ms/mr im a player

this type,guess everyone knows..a person who cheat,lie just to get in lots of other people pants and skirts and also blouses and etc...this type usually have sky rocket confidence,charming and also skills..its hard to identify this type lately because they too have evolve into much more complex character that sometimes you would misjudge a person who have a high level of confidence as player..just beware,and also don't let your guard down,not even a sec when you feel something isn't right..

so, in which category are you?

basically, if u want to be a juggler, u'll need to have three criteria ;-
1-brain,
2-confidence
3-skills
4-looks
5-money
*note that the no4 and no5 are plus point but not necessary

in order to have a brain, u'll need a lot of reading..current issues,mags and also travel brochures..
u'll never know what u might encounter..for instance, u never been to Bali but u have read something about Bali,u can use this as a subject of conversation..also imagine u trying to hit a kelantanese chick but u never been to kelantan,u can used the information from the travel brochures to talk or something..atleast u are not like those dumbjock who sit in front of a nice girl and goes um erm mmm nthen smile like kerang busuk...

what about confindence?..a key factor between a player and a playar..how to build up your confidence?...i dont know..u need to find out yourself because different people have different ways to boost their confidence..for instance,i joined the debate club when i was a freshman and it helped me a lot ;p (to raise my confidence not to become a juggler)...

the last key would be the skills..a true player would have its own skills and trademark..it would developed naturally along the way and along the game..most of it through pain and humiliation during trial and error period..once they get the vibe and rythm of the game,they are on their way to win the game..

another two plus point i do not need to elaborate..u guys should know..

so in my humble opinion,no one needs to be hurt or to feel hurt..jgn la bermain dgn perasaan orang lain..because what goes around,comes around..nnt biler dah terkena btg hidung baru nak nyesal..x de maknenye makcik!!! hehe...

post ni ditujukan kepada emellia yang cube merebut suami org..a.k.a sir ;p
*disclaimer - I'm neither a juggler nor a player..I'm just a plain advisor

How to survive a break up~

Lately,many of my friends came and ask fer my advice on relationship and etc2..
some of them even called me doctor love or cupid but i'm not..even i screwed up sometimes in my relationship,but it doesn't stopped me from helping others..

so,for those who are in need of advice on how to survive a break up,here are the famous 5 tips i would gave which i got it from Rich Santos - a columnist in marie claire

1. Ride Off Into The Sunset

Riding off into the sunset keeps our dignity. When a girl breaks up with me, I will say:

"OK, it was great getting to know you over the past (insert length of time).You take care."

My business is done.

Then, I will figuratively ride off into the sunset. I won't tell her how much I miss her. I won't tell her she made a mistake. I won't call, email or text. I won't mention her to mutual friends. I'll be gone from her life.

Suddenly, it will dawn on the girl that she is not getting her money's worth for this breakup. It is true: people who do the breaking up have an air of power to them. They like being the decision maker, and having the control. But after I walk away like it's no problem, she'll start to think:

"Wow, why isn't he shaken up over this? Did he even care that I broke up with him?"

Or even better, the ever-popular and coveted:

"Did I do the right thing breaking up with him?"

That's when you know you're in business.

2. Apply the Wizard of Oz Effect

Of course, most likely, we are in total pain and anguish after a break up. But, we can't let that show. Remember:

"Pay no mind to that man behind the curtain?"

We can, behind the curtain, cry, complain, yell, be angry, and hurt. But, we must craft the appearance on the outside of being fine with everything. We need to look happy on the outside to the other person 100% of the time we see them post-breakup.

This also gives the illusion that you might be seeing someone else, or that you've got other things going on. Of course you're miserable and there's NOTHING going on in your life, but they don't have to know it!

Make It Quick?

3. Enact the Verb in "Breaking Up"

Get rid of all evidence of them -- put it all in a closet, under your bed, or anywhere. I'm a sucker for a strand of hair or her shampoo smell left on a pillow after a girl is over. After the breakup, this must go: wash the sheets! Remember, in breaking up, to think of it like a guillotine: make it fast.

On a guillotine, you'd rather have a sharp blade slice your head right off than a blunt blade repeatedly cut and cut until your head finally fell off.

If it's a break up they want, make it clean for them. It will look good, and it will be easier on you. Flush them right out of your life immediately, and completely.

4. Don't Look Back

It's hard to accomplish this. We know not to look back, just like we know not to look down when someone says don't look down...but we still look down. But, make it easy on yourself: looking back and saying stuff like:

"Gosh, just two weeks ago,we were out to dinner and she stayed over here and we were so close..."

...will just make it more painful. You can't look back until it's time to look back when you're truly over it.

5. Remember You'll Get Over It

The best thing about breaking up is those following mornings you wake up after you've truly gotten over someone. You're renewed, alive, and ready to see what the world has to offer. Keep pushing through for this feeling, remember all those people you thought you'd never get over (you know you ended up getting over them), and as Jim Morrison once crooned: "break on through to the other side!"

Well I don't know about you, but after going through all that, I'm inspired to get dumped!